HOW TO OVERCOME A SPECIFIC SOCIAL FEAR (FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING)

The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream —Harry Kemp

Even if you do not have this fear, let us pretend you are terrified of public speaking. Here is how to overcome fear by using Imaginal Exposure, Modeling, and In Vivo Exposure.

Write a short speech about something in which you are an expert. Please do not believe you are not an expert in anything. You undoubtedly know things about which I am utterly ignorant.  To me, you are an expert in those areas. So, pick a subject and write a short speech. 

Create positive thoughts as you prepare your speech. Then, imagine yourself in a speaking situation that has seemed frightening to you. Close your eyes, if necessary, to make your mental imagery stronger. Since it is all in your imagination, instead of being and acting fearful, imagine yourself as being confident, poised, and giving a speech successfully, and having people come up afterward and compliment you. 

Do this repeatedly until you no longer have anxious feelings as you imagine this scenario. Then, while alone, give your speech out loud but pretend to give it to people somewhere, such as in a club, church, or school. Say positive things to yourself about your performance after you finish. Practice this scenario from beginning to end, again and again, making it as real and complete in your imagination as possible. Keep practicing until you are comfortable giving your speech to an imaginary audience.

Then ask a trusted friend or family member(s) to listen to your speech. Ask them to refrain from giving criticism or corrections. If you want that kind of help, get it from a book or class on public speaking. Besides, you have listened to countless speeches, so you will have a good idea after each performance about how to do better the next time. Practice giving your speech until it no longer makes you anxious.

As your confidence and competence improve, look for opportunities to give little speeches in public. Start with short speeches and small groups. Church, social clubs, civic events, work, and school may give you that opportunity. Perhaps you might look for a public speaking class taught by your local school district in their adult education program. Volunteer for longer talks and bigger audiences as your skills and confidence improve. Those who want to become very good at public speaking can join an organization like Toastmasters, whose members will kindly and carefully tutor you. Many toastmasters were once afraid of public speaking. These people changed a weakness into a strength and so can you. 

After every talk, analyze how things went and look for ways to improve your performance.  However, it is important that you not be critical or negative about yourself. Do not expect outstanding performances when you are just beginning. Just expect gradual improvement, much as a beginning pianist might experience improvement. Give yourself honest praise and encouragement after every speech you give. 

Here are some examples you might use. “Wow, knowing I was going to give a talk made me anxious, but I did it and it wasn’t so bad after all. I’m proud of myself for giving the talk despite my being anxious.” Another example is, “Once I started speaking, my anxiety went away. I’m getting less and less anxious the more talks I give.” One more example: “It’s surprising. Two people came up and complimented me. They seemed sincere. I must be doing better than I thought.” 

Replacing former negative thoughts with positive but honest thoughts is particularly important.  It is not enough to confront your feared situations. Do not allow yourself to think negative thoughts. Deliberately think positive thoughts before, perhaps during, and after your performance.  

Did you notice in this example of how to overcome the fear of public speaking that you went from small steps to bigger, then even bigger steps, starting first in your imagination, and then out in the real world? This is the pattern for confronting anything that makes you fearful or anxious but does not frighten others.