THE REWARDS OF CHASTE MARITAL SEX
Pornography viewing is almost ubiquitous in college-age males. One survey reported 87 % do it. Only about 41 % of men of all ages are opposed to it. Women are increasingly viewing pornography, and like men, their opposition to it is decreasing steadily. More people search the internet to find pornography by far than any other thing. Is pornography really harmful? Is masturbation “bad?” Most professional counselors see it as a legitimate diversion.
It is well to keep in mind we comprehend things from a very limited mortal perception. We likely will discover many grand designs in eternity that we never dreamed of here. Still, from a teleological perspective, we can infer some important things about our design and function.
Though we share many features with other advanced life forms, we humans clearly have immense differences. What other earthly creature can conceive of and construct a Hadron Collider, compose concertos, or create exceedingly complex mathematical equations?
So why are we created “male and female?” Are there compelling advantages to this? There are some advantages to other designs.
Most animals take only days to learn what they need to do to survive. Even higher animals can learn in several years. In contrast, human development takes many years. Our brains are fabulous computers at birth, but they require incredible programming in order for us to survive independently. How do you program a child to be an accountant, an engineer, or a concert pianist from DNA alone? We also have necessary delayed physical development. The Kentucky Derby is run with three-year-old horses. If three-year-old children could be six feet five inches and weigh 225 muscular pounds, heaven help us if they threw temper tantrums.
Our physical development is slowed to keep pace with our learning the vast amount of data that allows us to become independent, highly adaptable, capable adults. We also need someone to provide for us and to teach us during all those developmental years when we are both needy and in need of protection.
What if we had been created as only one sex with the capability of having both sexual feelings and reproduction? We wouldn’t have to find a partner or make accommodations. We could give ourselves sexual gratification whenever we wanted. We could choose to have or not have children at will. This would eliminate the problems of bickering, spousal abuse, betrayal, abandonment, and divorce, as well as other things. It also creates serious problems. How do single parents plow the south forty acres when they are “big with child?” Who takes care of children if a single parent dies or is seriously ill while its children are still young? With whom do single parents counsel with on an ongoing basis in order to improve decisions or receive comfort? Obviously, having two parents has some important advantages.
Well, why not design us as hermaphrodites: both female and male? That provides two parents and gives us some extra choices. We could do both male and female functions. But what if a couple can’t agree on who is going to do the male thing and who the female thing of having offspring? What if both are pregnant at the same time? Who does the plowing and who stays home and raises the kids? And since we are all the same, there is no need to become complete by combining in some long-term fashion with another. What strong incentive is there to keep the couple together to raise children for the many years our brains and maturation require?
Having two (different) sexes creates many problems. Two people have to agree to make a long-term relationship in order for its advantages to accrue. Both being imperfect, there will be disagreements or worse. Like hermaphroditism, it introduces the possibility of their ending the relationship before their children are raised. Infidelity and physical and emotional spousal abuse can cause serious emotional and physical harm.
Having two sexes also adds some wonderful solutions. One sex can be designed with special features that allow her to bear children, nurse them when young, and be soft and cuddly, which infants like. The other sex can be given bigger muscles to plow those forty acres or to “lift that load.” Each can become a specialist in their roles in a complementary fashion. They NEED one another to make a complete package. If one dies or is ill, the other can assume extra duties to provide for all. They can comfort each other. All of us have weak points or deficiencies, but we differ in what they are. With two acting together, it lessens the likelihood of both having the same weakness or vulnerability. Working together makes for far more success. Each can bring different strengths to benefit both and for the other to enjoy. We could add to the list, but you see the advantages.
Now, how do you get them to work and cooperate together for the many years it takes to raise children? First, since they are different in important ways physically, accentuate those physical appearances. Create an inborn need in both to desire and appreciate those differences.
Design their sexual needs differently. Since men don’t have children, it’s harder to design them to desire children. Make sexual arousal pleasant and orgasms very gratifying for both sexes. Then give men a powerful drive to have sex frequently. Someone said, “The reason marriage is so successful is that it combines a maximum of temptation with a maximum of opportunity.” The availability and repeatability of sex help keep men in marriage despite all its obligations and responsibilities.
Give women a strong desire to have children. Because women bear the burdens of raising children, they can’t afford to have someone not support them while they do it. The one who makes each woman pregnant is the logical choice. So, give women less sexual drive and need for sexual intercourse, but just as much pleasure when they have it. If women desired sex as powerfully as men, there would be far more sex outside of marriages and lots more children born out of marriage. By giving women less sexual drive, they can say to men, “Nope, not now, not till after you marry me.”
Marriage with its commitments and exclusivity adds far more satisfaction than can be generated by any other sexual design or arrangement. It gives four powerful rewards. No other sexual design gives all four.
First, it gives sexual pleasure, as would any of the sexual designs we have discussed. Second, it fulfills a great need we have of being valued, even loved, by someone else. It gives friendship, support, counsel, service, and help. Third, it fills that noble need many of us feel to give to others. It will take some explanation to understand the fourth reward.
The value of anything to us comes from two properties: utility, or usefulness, and rarity. Coal and diamonds are made of carbon. Both have much utility. Coal can be burned for useful energy. Diamonds have industrial uses like serving as the cutting edge of oil drills. While somewhat contrived, they also have utility for their beauty. Even low-grade diamonds like industrial ones are far more expensive than coal BY WEIGHT because they are far rarer. But if diamonds were as common as coal, would they be less expensive (valuable)?
We have many people whom we may love, hold, hug, and kiss. But marriage fidelity sets the loving, sexual relationship apart from all other loving behaviors. Each is saying to the other: “I have a need for sexual intimacy, but you are the only person in the whole world with whom I choose to be sexually active.” This combination of utility with rarity becomes a wonderful, personal, intimate gift to each other. It is the most beautiful, intimate, and personal of all the gifts that we give to one another. It binds husband and wife together in a way that nothing else can match.
The joys of intimacy in sexual intercourse are God’s reward for our willingness to create, love, and rear children. Because children are so precious, is it any wonder that He has set such strong commandments and protection for this great gift of both intimacy and the creation of life? Is this why one of the ten commandments is “Thou shalt not commit adultery?”
Infidelity damages this gift because marital exclusivity disappears. Masturbation also damages this gift, as it is giving ourselves sexual pleasure without the exclusivity of marriage, and it is almost always done with the lust for mental or physical images of others than a spouse. Is masturbation committing adultery in our hearts? (Matthew 5:27-29)
Many Christians believe in marriage in the hereafter; are we not resurrected male and female? Adam and Eve were married by God before the fall, which brought mortality. Did Christ “restore all things”? If there is marriage in the hereafter, will it only be in heaven, where the entrance requirement is obedience to all of God’s commands?
